We reproduce here an article published on the website of RedUNE (Network for the Prevention of Sectarianism and Abuse of Weakness). The original article can be found here.
At the age of 18 she entered the Institute of Religious SERVANTS OF THE LORD AND THE VIRGIN OF MATARÁ, belonging to the Congregation of the Incarnate Word, after the years of initiation into religious life as a novitiate and student body (carried out in Brazil and Argentina). Later she was sent to Spain in 2004, remaining in that religious Institute from 2004 to 2018.
I have always been taught in that institute that when we take a vow of poverty nothing corresponds to us personally, so all the years that I worked in the diocese of Tenerife and in the diocese of Vic, although both give us a minimum economic aid to the congregation for our work in the diocese, I have never received a payment for my work, although I never complained about seeing this normal, since, by taking the vows of poverty, it is not our responsibility to have any type of property.
When I process my Spanish nationality I realize that the institute does not make contributions to Social Security, therefore, right now I am in a disadvantaged situation in which I have never contributed, that is, without a possible retirement, without having received work experience and without studies, since the studies they offer us have no validity whatsoever.
From 2004 to 2011, I was working in a shelter for the elderly belonging to the diocese of Tenerife, where we had to be from 9:00 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. and from 4:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m., the functions were: attention to the reception, attention during dining room hours, company for the elderly, to supervise the progress of the house in the event that the administrative staff, the liturgical functions, etc. were not present.
In 2005, still living in Tenerife, I asked the then superior not to make the perpetual (definitive) vows, because I was not comfortable in the Institute and with doubts about wanting to continue in religious life, I asked to wait one more year to think about it, it was not granted telling me that I had obedience, unless I gave a very serious reason for it (I see here an abuse of authority, because I did not do it freely, she had denied me the right to decide on something that for a religious institution is a definitive decision)
DEPRIVATION OF LIBERTY.
In 2011 due to physical and mental exhaustion under sleeping medicine, I was sent to the Diocese of Vic, to a community that serves the Cathedral of Vic.
I immediately proposed my definitive departure from the religious Institute to the superior of that community, affirming that emotionally I was not feeling well, I had lost a lot of weight, I no longer slept, I did not have the physical strength to continue, that is, in short, I wanted to rethink my vocation and leave. His answer was what I expected, I already had my perpetual vows, I had committed myself to God and I could not now betray the vocation he had given me; that what was happening to me was a crisis, nothing more, as a solution they gave me to read spiritual books and talk more often with priests, since all this was nothing more than a temptation of the devil to leave the Institute.
Little by little I realized that I would never be heard, that any proposal to leave the Institute did not go beyond a simple temptation and they did not let you continue talking about the subject, because it considered a lack of fidelity to God. (And that is why I insist that there was manipulation of conscience and abuse of authority, especially in the attempts at dialogues with my different superiors when trying to explain my physical and emotional exhaustion, and wanting to propose my departure, it was answered that God wanted that suffering for me, therefore I had to endure it).
In 2015, while still in the religious community in Vic, working in the Cathedral of Vic I began to suffer from anxiety and depression (which led to insomnia, not being able to eat and not leading a normal life) it became unbearable for me to lead religious life, I again propose the exit from religious life to which my local superior Maria Agnus Deis and the then provincial superior Maria Salut. She in turn told me that what she was trying to do was to attract attention, that she did not suffer from all that and that it was only up to me to improve. I therefore decided to contact the Superior General in Rome, to propose my definitive departure, because here in Spain I was not being cared for.
They gave me a three-year psychiatric medical treatment (2015-2018), at first I agreed, because I was not well, after a few months I no longer saw it necessary, and I felt obliged, because I was still physically and emotionally bad, but I was aware of my way of life there which caused a lot of damage. Not being attended in Spain, I made several attempts to speak with the Superior General (Rome) who is the highest authority of the Institute.
In 2017, I had lost 20 kg, I was physically and emotionally worse than before (I kept my perpetual vows and did not make decisions without the opinion of the superiors, I had exhausted all attempts and possibilities of dialogue with the superior general to discuss my definitive departure). It hurt me a lot to not attend to me correctly, not to agree to what I requested. They abused their authority as superiors whom I had to obey in everything, and they managed my person as they saw fit and thereby managed my own life; In conclusion, humanly they left me on the edge of the abyss. They forced me to see a psychologist for almost three years, when what I wanted was to resolve my life inside the convent and leave.
In the month of February while still in the community of Vic I took a dose of pills in an attempt to sleep, I did not want to continue leading a life like this, I wanted to leave, and I was not free to take my things without first communicating with the superiors, I wrote a letter requesting permission to go: all this after almost three attempts, It exhausted me mentally and I despaired of not being treated properly.
Although the dose I had taken was only with the intention of being able to sleep and forget for a moment what was happening, I was admitted to the Hospital de Vic and then to a clinic in Barcelona.
My superiors have accused me of suicide for this, and I accuse them of having silenced me for the last three years by depriving me of my freedom. Clarifying once again that a nun of perpetual vows cannot make decisions without prior consultation, without waiting for the approval of her superiors, they in turn always affirmed to me that I had a vocation to be in the Institute even when I was sick, that I could not betray and be unfaithful to my vocation and to God and leave the Institute and with that they made me reach my limit.
ABUSES OF AUTHORITY, DEPRIVATION OF LIBERTY AND PSYCHOLOGICAL VIOLENCE.
When I was taken to the clinic in Barcelona, after a few days the doctor who treated me had ordered me to be taken home and in any case to be transferred to the same clinic, to monitor my sleep at night, since I was not able to continue being admitted permanently.
For my part, I implored (both the local superior Agnus Dei and the provincial superior Maria Contemplation) to leave there and they would not let me, they told me that I had to obey.
I gave permission for a person to receive information about my state of health, to my local superior (Maria Agnus Dei), however, several times I call the Clinic but since I did not identify myself, logically I did not give her information. She, for her part, wrote messages to my brother in Brazil urging him to come to Spain, as the Clinic would only give information to relatives.
I briefly recount what happened at the time:
-By doctor’s order I had to leave for 15 minutes every day, Agnus Dei threatened the doctor to call the police if they let me leave.
-I defamed myself in front of that same clinic and my brother, with an accusation of attempted suicide.
-He sent messages to my brother in which he requested my disability in Brazil and was my guardian without presenting him with any medical report.
They transferred me against my will to a monastery (you can’t go to a monastery against your will, it’s a lifestyle that I hadn’t chosen to live, there you lead a life of continuous silence, locked up without being able to leave at any time of the day) I begged them, because I was going through moments of anxiety and depression and I couldn’t lead a life like that, they repeated to me that I had to obey.
Being in that place I asked to communicate with my brother and then I found out about the decisions of my superiors related above, I feel totally confused and the feeling of madness, not having on my part any information to which I am entitled.
They answer me that I am not well, I did not think correctly, I did not have the capacity to decide, I was not aware of what was happening to me. For my part, I insisted many times that they answer my questions.
After much insistence I return to Tarragona, but with the threat of returning to the monastery. I ask for an appointment with the psychiatrist who had been taking me those three years, I explain everything that happened, the decision to incapacitate me, etc. and he does not answer me at all about it, at the same time he takes away the pills I had been taking. He literally tells me: “you don’t need pills, from today you will come back to the consultation when you see that you really need it”. My superiors force me to return to the consultation, despite refusing several times, taking me against my will and I feel coerced by coercion.
Very afraid of what might happen to me, I inform the Superior General (Rome) without any response. Having been in Tarragona for several weeks and without telling me they intend to transfer me by car to the monastery, I refuse to do so. They threaten me and forbid me to approach the archbishopric.
They inform me that they will give me the definitive exit if I sign a letter written by them as if it were my own, the attempts at coercion continued until I threaten to tell everything. I finally got them to accept my decision.
After 20 years in the order, 14 of them working with them in Spain, with total obedience, I have not possessed any property, my friends only from the Institute, I have had to find accommodation for myself without any help. They took away my private doctor because when I arrived in Spain they told us that we could not have a health card.
I conclude my testimony and public denunciation by stating that the Institute of the Incarnate Word does not comply with the veracity of the information they transmit to its members, because they instill in us a way of living under total obedience, they often deny dialogue and do not pay attention when we propose the exit from it. They have hidden from us the sexual abuse by some of those responsible, as well as the condemnation by the Holy See of its founder.
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